The COVID-19 Process (It's kinda like grief)

It’s taken me a few weeks to write this. After feeling like I was on top of our changing world and had things under control, today I felt like the carpet was ripped out from underneath me.

Which told me that today was the ideal day to share some of my thoughts. It’s a promise I made as we entered this crisis and one I am pushing myself to keep.

The stages you may go through coming to terms with the state of the world. I am calling it the COVID-19 process – it is kind of like a grieving process.

These are the stages I have been through:

1. It doesn’t seem like a big deal

I think most of us now know the seriousness of the virus and especially in Australia, we are being informed of the individual impact we are having on our aim to ‘flatten the curve’ #stayathomeclub. But, to begin with there were all these stats around whether other viruses were worse and if we really should be concerned. It also felt unsettling. I thought a lot about the fact that there are many issues in our society and if they were given the same amount of resources and financial support, things would be so different.

2. It’s surreal

A dream like state, you feel like you are living in a dream, it does not feel real. How can this be happening? Is this actually happening? Your days turn into your nights and when you close your eyes your dreaming about it too. This stage begins the overthinking, the sleepless nights, the uncertainty.

3. It’s overwhelming

All the overthinking and needing to find answers becomes a little too much. You probably read lots, watch lots and consume a heap of media. Your head hurts, fear creeps in, you are exhausted from information overload. You start to have sleepless nights in the attempt to make sense of it all. Perhaps at this stage you reflect on how great the year started and you try to wrap your head around how things can change so quickly. Or maybe you do feel some of the fear that exists around this 'invisible war'.

4. You break down

This part is big. I also believe it is an important part of the process to release all the stress and emotion that you have been bottling up in your mind and in your body. Lots of us will cry. This was me on Sunday night, two weeks ago on a Saturday flying home from Perth and again today.

5. You learn to accept & remind yourself that this too shall pass

This stage is where you learn to allow. It’s not a giving in, it’s a mindset shift that says I am here for the ride. It is a recognising that this is not forever. Really and truly at the end of this when we have our health and each other we will have all of what we really need.

Today I learnt that, again like a grieving process, these stages can repeat themselves, not in any order, perhaps bounce you around like a yoyo. So here are a few things I am trying to continue to remind myself of as we move through this TOGETHER.

Things to reframe and or remind ourselves of during this time:

1. Treat yourself like you would treat someone who is grieving. With kindness, compassion, no judgement, give space, check-in, let them know they are loved and worthy. Encourage time outdoors getting in touch with nature, or the place where the mind clears.

2. Whatever you feel through this process it is ok to feel. There is no right or wrong here. It’s ok not to be ok one day and feeling stable the next. This is new for all of us, it is filled with uncertainty and it changes rapidly.

3. Reach out if you need to. You are not a burden, you might even make the person on the other end of your phone feel normal because they too are feeling a similar thing.

4. Social Physical distancing. We will need each other through this time. We must reach out and stay connected. It will just be different to what we are used to.

5. See the good. There are some tear jerking good news stories out there. Read them, share them and look for the good in those around you too. I got tears in my eyes yesterday when I saw a man driving a ute filled with stuffed toys, playing loud music and beeping and waving at all the kids on the street to raise their spirits!

6. Asses ‘What you can control, what can’t control’. Ask yourself this question and keep trying to let go of the things you can’t control. It’s a tough one because there is so much that is out of our control through this and we are all such control freaks that this perhaps is our hardest reframe.

This is tough but we are tougher! We are in this together.

With Love from Bel x