The other side of FEAR

Everything profound in my life has come from facing fear head on.

I remember when I was only 22 telling my best friend that I was ready to end a 7 year relationship that was no longer serving me. I remember word for word saying, ‘I think I nearly have big enough balls to break up with him’ ‘I am nearly ready’. It took a long time to build the courage, a long time to move through all the stories and fear I had about being alone, not finding love again and talking through all the conversations I would have to have when the decision was made. Once I had the courage I remember then booking a trip to Tanzania (not telling him) and committed to going away for 5 weeks on an adventure with people I had never met before. I learnt that one step in heading fear face on, usually leads to another too.

So how do we build courage? How do we do what is right for us?

Warning! Addressing these 5 points does not come natural. It takes work. It takes courage and it takes stepping into the belief that there is more on the other side of fear. One of the biggest things I have learned around fear is that it is just all made up.

Fear is:

F alse

E vidence

A ppearing

R eal

Fear is a silly story you tell yourself and it is time you change the narrator in your mind. Because these stories you are creating, there is no proof to them. You are just finding more ways to convince yourself that the story is real (and it is not).

So how do we attempt to convert fear into freedom and face head on the things that hold us back.

1. Practise 20 seconds of COURAGE at least once a day

I often say one of my favourite movies is ‘We Bought a Zoo’ not just because it stars Matt Damon and is filled with animals but also because one of my favourite lessons in it, is about having 20 seconds of courage. I honestly believe that we can ALL do anything for 20 seconds. Sometimes all it takes is 20 seconds to act in a way we wish we could. Think about when you arrive at an event, you are not sure if your friends are there yet and immediately we go for our phone, send a message that reads ‘where r u?’ – imagine if instead of pulling your phone out, you actually walked through the venue and attempted to scout your friends, you smiled at a couple of people and maybe (just maybe) you introduced yourself to someone. 20 seconds that’s all it takes to say ‘Hey’ and wait for a response. In We Bought a Zoo that is how Matt Damon met his wife (insert love heart eyed emoji). So what will your 20 seconds be today?

2. Talk real, real talk!

Sit down with yourself and answer the tough questions. Dig deep and reflect. Lots and lots of reflection and be really honest with yourself. This isn’t easy it takes time, and it takes lots of practise. But it is worth it. If you can’t have these convo’s with yourself then how can you speak them to others and not just speak them, but take action. Please be kind along the way though too. There is a healthy balance.

3. Be ok with not knowing the outcome

For so many of us our fear is centred around uncertainty. But what if we looked at it from the stand point of ‘I control what I can control and I accept what I can’t control’. Easier said than done however, very powerful when embraced. You cannot control how someone else responds, you cannot control the weather, but you can control how you respond, what you tell yourself and whether jump in the puddles with a smile or not. Write a list of what you can and can’t control in the situation you are dealing with. If you need help I am always here.

4. Find your support network

Some days are certainly tough. You need to know who the people are in your world that believe in you more than you believe in yourself. If you haven’t found them yet, keep looking. Let them know too that you really value the fact that when life throws you lemons you really appreciate them. It is hard to communicate how we feel but if they don’t know you provide that support for them they might just think you don’t value it.

5. Believe that if it still hurts it’s not over

I am not 100% certain that this is true in every situation. I have led a privileged life and if you have too than maybe it will resonate. But in our own ways we all hold our own grief. In my life I certainly have found a way to be at peace with the heartbreak, anger, betrayal and loss I have experienced. It certainly did not happen overnight. In some instances, it has taken me over 5-10 years and in some I am still processing. For most the pain lessens and I have reflected on the learnings that have made me a better person. In a weird twist these betrayals and heartbreaks will make you into the person you are today. Stronger, braver and open to more heartbreak, pain and loss in the future. After all, “tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". I honestly believe it, yes there are still tough days, days of pain and grief but mostly days of gratitude. Because I have done the work. Do the work – it is worth it!

Lastly, I thought I would share a few personal things that have lived on the other side of fear for Bel:

Falling in love

Travelling to Tanzania

Working at yLead

Dancing overseas

Making new friends

Becoming CEO

Owning an investment property and my own home

Starting a blog

Being a guest on a podcast

Buying a doughnut and coffee for a homeless person

I can’t wait to celebrate what lies on the other side of fear for you…

with Love from Bel x